Dear Steve & Shirley,
I’m a 41 year old professional African-American man in Atlanta that has been divorced for ten years and I have a ten year old son that I love dearly. We were married for four years and had our son in the fifth year, which is the same year that we got divorced. My ex-wife and I are cool and we do a good job of co-parenting. But this is not what this letter is about.
Ever since my divorce I have dated a lot of women, some serious, most not. I have dated female business executives, doctors, news anchors etc; great women that any man would be lucky to have, but I continuously feel unfulfilled in these relationships, it is also concerning to me that I don’t get those butterfly feelings of love anymore. I read your book and several others about relationships to try to discover what I’m missing, but I can’t seem to find the answer. Most of my male friends are divorced and the ones that are married say that if they did get divorced then they would not get married again. I’m being to think that marriage is not worth it.
Here is my question. Why should I get married? Money? I’ve been in six figures for over a decade? Companionship? I have five quality women that I can call right now! Stability? I have a house and two cars and several savings accounts. Domestic help? I cook better than most women and I keep my house clean. A mom for my son? My son’s mom is a good mom and I’m very involved in his life as well. Long-term partnership? In today’s world most marriages end in divorce, so that is not guaranteed.
I’m trying to see if marriage is worth it. What is the up-side of marring again? It seems more and more like a financial, emotional and constrictive liability to me versus an asset.
Signed – Is it worth it?
